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I was trying to form a club for eunuchs at my high school... But there weren't enough members.
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Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question. Pupil: How long for the answer sir?
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I was dating an archaeologist but I had to break up with her. Turns out she was a gold digger...
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A good book is like a good puppy. Both are easy to pick up but hard to put down.
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What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting injected with tetanus.
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Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg? He's all right.
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"How did you get into counterfeiting?" Criminal: I answered an ad that said "Make money at home."
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When my pet goldfish died my parents thought it would be a great idea to replace it with a hamster... Poor little guy drowned in seconds..
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If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive... They'd find me attractive.
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Who sell the products cheaper, a manufacturer or a distributor? The store guard!
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If you've ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you've obviously never been married.
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In what town lives the mathematician who can only multiply by two? Dublin.
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Why did the cat join the Red Cross? Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!
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I woke up suddenly terrified I'm late for work... I opened my eyes and chilled - I'm at work.
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Not sure if I actually like movies or just like looking at something while I eat popcorn.
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Her: Give me a chat up line? Me: Uh ok, are you a zookeeper? Her: *laughs* Because I'm so captivating? Me: No, you smell like an animal.
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I'm dating an x-ray technician... But I don't know what she sees in me.
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Why can't the wive find her asshole? He's on the job.
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Hendrix didn't need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
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