The letter R is just the letter P showing off some leg.

How do I get to the other side? Blonde: You are on the other side.

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The problem with today's children is that today's parents are idiots.

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What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.

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What did one snowman say to the other snowman? I smell carrots too.

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Gaining Weight? ...It's a piece of cake!

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When my neighbor's bed starts rhythmically hitting the wall, I like to drum back. Last night, we had a real jam session going.

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

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Where do you find a dog with no legs? Wherever you left it.

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Why are there no penguins in Britain? They're scared of Wales.

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What many don't know, "Riverdance" was invented while waiting in line at the ladies toilet.

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What has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

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Why couldn't the restaurant patron get into his car? He had Gnocchi.

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Why did the bowling pins stop working? They went on strike!

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The deeper the pit you're falling into, the more chance you have to learn how to fly.

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Why does a dog wag it's tail? A: No one else will do it for them

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How do bees go to school? They take the buzz

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What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son? If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy!

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Teacher: "What is science?" Student: "Me Ma'am!" Teacher: "Ok Bob, what is science?" Student: "Science is our lesson for today."

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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much it is for a beer. The bartender says ; "For you.. No charge!"

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My uncle, as an oncologist - has a great sense of tumor.

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What do Greek soccer players wear? Soccer tee's

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If your clock strikes 13, what time is it? Time to fix your clock.

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People are mad because MTV doesn't show music videos. What about Fox News? They haven't shown a fox in months.

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Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on. The more it hurts.

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During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants?" "Over there by mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

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Why did the golfer wear two pants? He got a hole in one

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You can tell a lot about a person by the type of car they drive. For example, if they drive a Taxi, they're probably a cab driver.

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Do you know what my grandmother would be doing today if she was alive? Scratching at her coffin.

I was dropping my kids off at school when I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children." I'm going to miss them, but man this is a nice Rolex.

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What do pirates have with their fish? Tartarrrrrrrr sauce.

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