How do you think the unthinkable? Run your ship into an iceberg...

What do you call a blood vessel with a carrot jammed into it? A carroted artery.

More pictures and rate this joke

Have you heard the joke about the corrupt government? [Content Removed]

More pictures and rate this joke

I'm not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don't give them lunch or breakfast.

More pictures and rate this joke

This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first.

More pictures and rate this joke

Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.

More pictures and rate this joke

My old best friend ran off years ago to pursue his dream of becoming a mime... I haven't heard from him since.

More pictures and rate this joke

What's the secret to a long life? Never order vegetarian in Texas...

More pictures and rate this joke

If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved.

More pictures and rate this joke

Why are there no penguins in Britain? They're scared of Wales.

More pictures and rate this joke

Doctor: "You're obese." Patient: "Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion." Doctor: "You're quite ugly, too."

More pictures and rate this joke

You know why they don't have CSI in Arkansas? They don't have enough teeth for dental records, and they all have the same DNA.

More pictures and rate this joke

What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple? iPatch

More pictures and rate this joke

What do you call a nation of programmers? A developing country

More pictures and rate this joke

Where do women have the most curly hair? In Africa...

More pictures and rate this joke

What do you call bees that produce milk? Boo-Bees...

More pictures and rate this joke

I'm not going to intervene next time my kids start fighting, I'm just going to close the door and whoever comes out alive will be my kid.

More pictures and rate this joke

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.

More pictures and rate this joke

What never comes but always leaves? My dates.

More pictures and rate this joke

German tourist crosses Polish border. Border guards ask him: Name? Hans. Surname? Schmidt. Occupation? No, just traveling.

More pictures and rate this joke

Pupil: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Of course not Pupil: Good, because I didn't do my homework

More pictures and rate this joke

Why did the creepy hipster get arrested? Because he was following people before Instagram.

More pictures and rate this joke

The phrase "you two deserve each other" sounds like a compliment, but never is.

More pictures and rate this joke

Want to read a joke about pizza? Never-mind, it's too cheesy!

More pictures and rate this joke

My longest relationship was when an Uber driver took me all the way to the airport once.

More pictures and rate this joke

I hate people that drink in order to have fun. Why can't they say it's great just to drink, whether you have fun or not?

More pictures and rate this joke

Couldn't remember the girl's name from last night so I brought her to Starbucks.

More pictures and rate this joke

What do you call a bunch of killer whales playing musical instruments? An orca-stra.

More pictures and rate this joke

What do you call a literary fish? Salmon Rushdie!

More pictures and rate this joke

How do you know carrots improve your vision? Cause you've never seen any bunnies with glasses

More pictures and rate this joke

If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive... They'd find me attractive.