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Cop: "Are you driving under the influence?" Me: "No." Cop: "Say the alphabet backwards." Me: "Tebahpla eht."
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If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved.
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A new study has proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
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What do you call a smarty pants? A jeanius
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Have you guys seen the movie called "Constipation"? No? That's cuz it hasn't come out yet...
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I told my friend to not worry about being hungry at the beach. Because of all the sand which is there.
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Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
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Be nice to people on your way up so they won't get suspicious when you're rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
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"Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father." The priest says, "What did he ask?" She says, "He said, Please put down that damn gun..."
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My dad is really good at playing hide n' seek! It's been 12 years since we started and I still haven't found him!
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Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for the rest of his life.
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They say that money can't buy you happiness, but being broke buys you nothing...
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Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
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Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg? He's all right.
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What many don't know, "Riverdance" was invented while waiting in line at the ladies toilet.
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Michael Phelps just won another gold medal for taking the quickest bath.
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What did the 0 say to the 8? Hey, nice belt..
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"Doctor. Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm." "How boring for you!"
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What does a British guy say when he beats an Eastern European at chess? Czechmate
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Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill? Because he was dead
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What does have eyes but can't see, has legs but can't walk, and has wings but can't fly? A dead bird.
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