Why did the bowling pins stop working? They went on strike!

A robber walks into a bakery, and pulls out a gun. "Give me the dough!"

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I lost 40 Pounds in 4 months! I didn't realize the British stock market was so volatile.

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Where do werewolves stay when they're on vacation? At the Howliday Inn!

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tyred..

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In the near future, little old ladies won't know how to sew, knit, or quilt, but they'll take awesome self-pics in bathroom mirrors.

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I was once a man stuck in a woman's body. Then my mother gave birth.

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A very tough question to answer If con is the opposite of pro, then isn't Congress the opposite of progress?

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People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!

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How to eliminate world hunger and unemployment at once? Let the hungry eat the unemployed.

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What do you call a nation of programmers? A developing country

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What has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

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This deodorant says: "Avoid contact with eyes." Too late... I've already seen it.

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What's the difference between life and wife's rant? Life eventually ends.

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I went to the hairdresser and she asked how I'd like my hair cut. In silence.

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Nothing freaks me out like when I'm ordering from a Chinese restaurant and I ask "What kind of meat is that?" and they answer "yes".

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I don't understand people who practice polygamy. Why would anyone want more than one mother-in-law?

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What do you say when you find two banana peels together? Answer: A pair of slipper

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Have you heard the joke about the corrupt government? [Content Removed]

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Who's this Rorschach dude? And why is he so good at drawing pictures of my mom beating me

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What did the dog say after a hard day at work ? Today sure was ruff

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What do I know about dwarves? Very little.

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How can you tell that your waitress is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

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Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you... You have my word

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How did I escape Iraq? Iran

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I told my friend to not worry about being hungry at the beach. Because of all the sand which is there.

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"What is 5Q + 5Q?" The class responds: "10Q." The teacher responds: "You're welcome"

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What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom.

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There was a kidnapping at my school today... It's okay guys, he woke up.

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My neighbor came over and knocked on my door at 3 a.m. the other night. Three in the morning, can you believe it? He was lucky I was still up playing my drums.

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At the liquor store: "Hey, do you need help?" "Yes, but I come here instead."

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