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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.
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It's so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
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How can you tell that your waitress is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
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Why did the zombie not eat your brain? Because he doesn't eat junk food.
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There was a kidnapping at my school today... It's okay guys, he woke up.
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How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
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Why did they make the toilet paper so hard in North Korea? Because the Party wants to make every asshole Red.
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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much it is for a beer. The bartender says ; "For you.. No charge!"
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Who sell the products cheaper, a manufacturer or a distributor? The store guard!
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During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants?" "Over there by mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
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Tall people don't need to be inspirational Everyone already looks up to them.
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They say that money can't buy you happiness, but being broke buys you nothing...
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Honking the whole time isn't going to make everyone in front of you go any faster. Stupid geese.
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What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
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Want to hear a cheesy joke? I will only tell it if I have your Parmesan...
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Have you guys seen the movie called "Constipation"? No? That's cuz it hasn't come out yet...
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I was trying to form a club for eunuchs at my high school... But there weren't enough members.
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I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it!
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WARNING! If you get an e-mail with the title of "Nude Photo of Joe Biden" DO NOT OPEN IT! It IS a nude photo of Joe Biden.
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How do you know carrots improve your vision? Cause you've never seen any bunnies with glasses
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What does a Bird and a fridge have in common? They can both fly except the fridge.
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Which duck will destroy the establishment? None, ducks are not allowed in politics.
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