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Why did the programmer get a job at the photographers? They needed a developer.
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What's the difference between Rihanna and Britney Spears? Britney asked to be hit one more time..
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Someone asked a man who had been married for 20 years: "What did you do before you were married sir?" With teary eyes he replied: "Whatever the hell i wanted to do."
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People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
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If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have? Someone else's pants on.
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When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you... Why should only I suffer!
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If a leopard and a cheetah both had companies, which stock should you buy? The leopard's, because cheetahs never prosper.
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Why is George Bush in bed every night by 9:10? Because nothing good happens after 9:11.
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My mother always told me: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.
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There's a reason why "sober" and "so bored" sound almost exactly the same.
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If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple "Thank you" is all I need! Not all this "How did you get in my house?" business!
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How many Scottish highlanders does it take to change a light bulb? There can be only one.
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I win most of my staring contests... ... because my opponents usually don't know they're playing.
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My grandfather got new pants the other day. I asked him how they fit... He said "Like a cheap castle." Seeing the confused look on my face, he elaborated, saying, "No ball room."
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What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird ? A feather boa!
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Want to hear a corny joke? It's so good, you'd say it was a-maize-ing
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What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
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If I had a dozen muffins and Carlos took 13 away from me, what do I have now? A math problem
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Two baloons meet each other in a garden shop... The first one says to the other: Don't go that way, there's a cactusssssss
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Teacher: "What is science?" Student: "Me Ma'am!" Teacher: "Ok Bob, what is science?" Student: "Science is our lesson for today."
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