Waitress: "Do u have any questions about the menu?" Me: "What kind of font is this?"

Last night I walked into a bar - it still hurts...

More pictures and rate this joke

What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back? "Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!"

More pictures and rate this joke

What is a Rastafarian's favorite country? Yemen

More pictures and rate this joke

What did the DNA say to the other DNA? Do these genes make me look fat?

Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.

More pictures and rate this joke

Sorry to inform you that you have a brain problem. Your brain is in 2 parts... Left and right. The left part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in it.

More pictures and rate this joke

What was Dr Frankenstein's second job? He was a body-builder.

More pictures and rate this joke

It's OK if you don't like my personality. I've got others.

More pictures and rate this joke

"Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?" "The ATM machine"

More pictures and rate this joke

What's invisible and smells like bananas? Monkey farts

More pictures and rate this joke

Doc, I've got a problem. Every morning at 8 sharp I poop. Doc: "How is that a problem?" Me: "I wake up at 9."

More pictures and rate this joke

Why do pens get sent to prison? To do long sentences!

More pictures and rate this joke

What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit? A: Will the defendant please rise.

More pictures and rate this joke

What do you take before every meal? A seat.

More pictures and rate this joke

A robber walks into a bakery, and pulls out a gun. "Give me the dough!"

More pictures and rate this joke

Guys socialize by making fun of each other, but they don't mean it. Girls socialize by giving compliments to each other but they don't mean it either.

More pictures and rate this joke

What's the difference between life and wife's rant? Life eventually ends.

More pictures and rate this joke

A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday. How does he do it? The horses name is Friday.

More pictures and rate this joke

Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on his coffin break.

More pictures and rate this joke

I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket. "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

More pictures and rate this joke

I gave her my heart but what she really needed was kidney transplant...

More pictures and rate this joke

Why married guys are fat: A single guy opens the fridge, sees nothing interesting there - he goes to bed. A married guy goes in the bedroom, sees nothing interesting there - he goes to the fridge.

More pictures and rate this joke

Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.

More pictures and rate this joke

What animal runs around happily with 5 legs? A pit bull in a kindergarten

More pictures and rate this joke

They installed a new machine at my gym today, I managed to do 2 hours on it. They do all sorts. Snickers, Kit-kats, Mars bars, etc.

More pictures and rate this joke

I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.

More pictures and rate this joke

I don't understand people who practice polygamy. Why would anyone want more than one mother-in-law?

More pictures and rate this joke

What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!

More pictures and rate this joke

In the near future, little old ladies won't know how to sew, knit, or quilt, but they'll take awesome self-pics in bathroom mirrors.

More pictures and rate this joke

How do bees go to school? They take the buzz

More pictures and rate this joke