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Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making! Dad: What is it what are you making? Pupil: Mistakes!
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Who's bad at baseball but fun at parties? A pitcher filled with margaritas!
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Customer: "Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!" Waiter: "Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!"
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Teacher: "What is science?" Student: "Me Ma'am!" Teacher: "Ok Bob, what is science?" Student: "Science is our lesson for today."
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This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first.
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Where do werewolves stay when they're on vacation? At the Howliday Inn!
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I lost 40 Pounds in 4 months! I didn't realize the British stock market was so volatile.
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When my pet goldfish died my parents thought it would be a great idea to replace it with a hamster... Poor little guy drowned in seconds..
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Policeman: Why didn't you obey that stop sign? Driver: I don't believe everything I read.
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I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I'm confused about how many at night?
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A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year.
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In what town lives the mathematician who can only multiply by two? Dublin.
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I woke up suddenly terrified I'm late for work... I opened my eyes and chilled - I'm at work.
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Why did the blonde stare at her orange juice for so long? Because it said, Concentrate.
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What do you call a guy that hangs around with musicians? A drummer.
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Max wondered why the ball was slowly growing larger... and then it hit him.
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Not sure if I actually like movies or just like looking at something while I eat popcorn.
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Do you know why god created leprosy? He needed someone to lend him a hand!
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Boy, do I love soccer It's the only sport where the fans are tougher then the players.
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I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
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I would tell you another chemistry joke... But all the best ones Argon.
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