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Teacher: "What is science?" Student: "Me Ma'am!" Teacher: "Ok Bob, what is science?" Student: "Science is our lesson for today."
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Did you hear about the Chinese Chef who broke out of jail? Apparently he went out for a wok and never came back.
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I woke up suddenly terrified I'm late for work... I opened my eyes and chilled - I'm at work.
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What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger? A big mac.
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A very tough question to answer If con is the opposite of pro, then isn't Congress the opposite of progress?
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What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
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Why did God create Adam before Eve? To give him a chance to say something.
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They installed a new machine at my gym today, I managed to do 2 hours on it. They do all sorts. Snickers, Kit-kats, Mars bars, etc.
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It's amazing how many pedestrians confuse "Right of Way" with "Immortality."
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Why did the left shoe marry the right? Because they were "sole"-mates
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Three kids are in an agruement about who's dad is better. "My dad's a fireman" said Billy. "My dad's a marine!" said Johnny. "My dad's invisible." said Brian.
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Doctor doctor people keep telling me I'm ugly! Lay on the couch face down.
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How to eliminate world hunger and unemployment at once? Let the hungry eat the unemployed.
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How do you know a introvert likes you... He stares at your shoes instead of his.
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A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year.
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What did one snowman say to the other snowman? I smell carrots too.
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How can you tell that your waitress is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
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A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday. How does he do it? The horses name is Friday.
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The deeper the pit you're falling into, the more chance you have to learn how to fly.
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When someone tells you to expect the unexpected, slap them and ask if they expected it!
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I'm not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don't give them lunch or breakfast.
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