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What bus crossed the Atlantic Ocean? Columbus
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A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
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Cell phones make it easy to communicate with everybody except the people you're currently with.
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What is green, red and goes 90 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.
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What should you do if a monster runs through your front door? Run through the back door.
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What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
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My longest relationship was when an Uber driver took me all the way to the airport once.
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Teacher: This note from your father looks like your handwriting ? Pupil: Well yes he borrowed my pen!
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Why did the left shoe marry the right? Because they were "sole"-mates
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Who's bad at baseball but fun at parties? A pitcher filled with margaritas!
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What did the dog say after a hard day at work ? Today sure was ruff
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What are the three rings of marriage? The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
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Have you heard the joke about the corrupt government? [Content Removed]
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Two baloons meet each other in a garden shop... The first one says to the other: Don't go that way, there's a cactusssssss
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How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
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Which duck will destroy the establishment? None, ducks are not allowed in politics.
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I was trying to form a club for eunuchs at my high school... But there weren't enough members.
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The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting. Then it brought me down.
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I win most of my staring contests... ... because my opponents usually don't know they're playing.
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Guys socialize by making fun of each other, but they don't mean it. Girls socialize by giving compliments to each other but they don't mean it either.
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New science shows that diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans.
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Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg? He's all right.
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My grandfather got new pants the other day. I asked him how they fit... He said "Like a cheap castle." Seeing the confused look on my face, he elaborated, saying, "No ball room."
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