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Who's killed more natives than General Custer? Jack Daniels
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What does a parent say to their boy who keeps missing the toilet? Urine trouble.
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I don't think it's rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today's newspaper.
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What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin? A: You get light music.
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When someone tells you to expect the unexpected, slap them and ask if they expected it!
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You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times.
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Why are Americans so good at shooting? They have the best schools for it.
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Someone asked a man who had been married for 20 years: "What did you do before you were married sir?" With teary eyes he replied: "Whatever the hell i wanted to do."
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You can tell a lot about a person by the type of car they drive. For example, if they drive a Taxi, they're probably a cab driver.
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Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg? He's all right.
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I wondered why the train was getting bigger... then it hit me
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I lost 40 Pounds in 4 months! I didn't realize the British stock market was so volatile.
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Doc, I've got a problem. Every morning at 8 sharp I poop. Doc: "How is that a problem?" Me: "I wake up at 9."
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What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit? A: Will the defendant please rise.
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What's the difference between life and wife's rant? Life eventually ends.
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Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot is faster. Anyone can catch a cold.
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Why can't the wive find her asshole? He's on the job.
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How did the hipster burn his tongue ? cos he drank he coffee before it was cool...
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If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have? Someone else's pants on.
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WARNING! If you get an e-mail with the title of "Nude Photo of Joe Biden" DO NOT OPEN IT! It IS a nude photo of Joe Biden.
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If you've ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you've obviously never been married.
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