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What's cold, hot and chilly all at once? Cold chili.
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If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple "Thank you" is all I need! Not all this "How did you get in my house?" business!
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What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
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They say that money can't buy you happiness, but being broke buys you nothing...
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How does Dracula like to have his food served? In bite-sized pieces.
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Caught my vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!
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I have a date this weekend with a girl who has a shoe fetish... But I'm a little worried about getting off on the wrong foot.
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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting injected with tetanus.
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I'm dating an x-ray technician... But I don't know what she sees in me.
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Want to hear a corny joke? It's so good, you'd say it was a-maize-ing
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If I had a dozen muffins and Carlos took 13 away from me, what do I have now? A math problem
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What's the difference between talking to your wife after you forgot something and a minefield? You can actually get through the minefield alive.
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If money doesn't buy happiness.. then explain why you have to pay for a divorce.
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Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot is faster. Anyone can catch a cold.
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Why are old balloons cheaper than new balloons? Because of inflation
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Why are there so many female archeologists? Because women love digging up the past.
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Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.
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A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year.
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What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
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A very tough question to answer If con is the opposite of pro, then isn't Congress the opposite of progress?
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