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Her: I do. And that marks the last time she ever agreed with me.
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Why should you always take two pairs of trousers when you play golf? In case you get a hole in one!
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Did you hear about the Chicken who went for his job interview? He got roasted!
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Why don't women fart? They can't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
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I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I'm confused about how many at night?
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When someone asks me if I'm busy, it always sounds like a trick question.
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What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
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Have you guys seen the movie called "Constipation"? No? That's cuz it hasn't come out yet...
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What many don't know, "Riverdance" was invented while waiting in line at the ladies toilet.
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What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
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Caught my vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!
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My grandfather got new pants the other day. I asked him how they fit... He said "Like a cheap castle." Seeing the confused look on my face, he elaborated, saying, "No ball room."
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What did the Cannibal get for dinner after offending his wife? The cold shoulder.
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Policeman: Why didn't you obey that stop sign? Driver: I don't believe everything I read.
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The personal trainer at the gym advised me to try some resistance training. So far it's going really well. I've resisted going to the gym for six days now.
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There are so many scams on the Internet now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
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If you want an adrenaline rush, you should go camping... It's in tents.
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I was trying to form a club for eunuchs at my high school... But there weren't enough members.
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I have a date this weekend with a girl who has a shoe fetish... But I'm a little worried about getting off on the wrong foot.
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How can you tell that your waitress is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
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A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday. How does he do it? The horses name is Friday.
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Couldn't remember the girl's name from last night so I brought her to Starbucks.
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It's amazing how many pedestrians confuse "Right of Way" with "Immortality."
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Teacher: Class we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!
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