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Gaining Weight? ...It's a piece of cake!
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I lost 40 Pounds in 4 months! I didn't realize the British stock market was so volatile.
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Teacher: This note from your father looks like your handwriting ? Pupil: Well yes he borrowed my pen!
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"Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?" "The ATM machine"
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I was trying to form a club for eunuchs at my high school... But there weren't enough members.
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A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
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A new study has proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
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Q2: What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
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My dad is really good at playing hide n' seek! It's been 12 years since we started and I still haven't found him!
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What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
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You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times.
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WARNING! If you get an e-mail with the title of "Nude Photo of Joe Biden" DO NOT OPEN IT! It IS a nude photo of Joe Biden.
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I'm dating an x-ray technician... But I don't know what she sees in me.
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My ex is looking for a job but I don't think satan is retiring anytime soon so I suppose she'll be unemployed for a while.
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What's the difference between a sumo and a feminist? A sumo shaves their legs.
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Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk and I swatted one how many flies would be left? Girl: One - the dead one!
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Why do divers fall backwards from boats? Because if they fell forward they'd still be in it!
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Did you hear about the Chicken who went for his job interview? He got roasted!
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John regrets getting a brain transplant. I guess he changed his mind.
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