Wisdom Jokes
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So I'm reading that "twerking" and "selfie" have been added to the dictionary. "Future" and "optimism" have been removed...
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What do an elephant and an apricot have in common? They're both grey - well except for the apricot.
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What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow ? Reality.
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Cell phones make it easy to communicate with everybody except the people you're currently with.
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I wanted to turn my life around so I tried to stop memeing all the time... ...It made my life memeingless
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If I want to nap for just an hour, I have a big glass of water beforehand. Alarms can be turned off, but a full bladder waits for no one.
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If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
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It's amazing how many pedestrians confuse "Right of Way" with "Immortality."
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Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
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Gaining Weight? ...It's a piece of cake!
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People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!
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The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer restrooms.
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The more complex the handshake, the less complex the individual.
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I always thought air was free. Until I bought a bag of chips...
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How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb? Define "light bulb".
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They say that money can't buy you happiness, but being broke buys you nothing...
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I'm not crazy, my reality is just prettier than yours.
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Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
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Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot is faster. Anyone can catch a cold.
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You can tell a lot about a person by the type of car they drive. For example, if they drive a Taxi, they're probably a cab driver.
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Did you hear about the nation's best farmer? He's out standing in his field.
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A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
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There needs to be a third option because getting older or dying aren't working for me.