Tourist Jokes
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German tourist crosses Polish border. Border guards ask him: Name? Hans. Surname? Schmidt. Occupation? No, just traveling.
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What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit? A: Will the defendant please rise.
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I'm not going to intervene next time my kids start fighting, I'm just going to close the door and whoever comes out alive will be my kid.
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What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
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German tourist crosses Polish border. Border guards ask him: Name? Hans. Surname? Schmidt. Occupation? No, just traveling.
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What do a blonde and a car have in common? They can both drive you crazy.
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You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times.
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Why should you always take two pairs of trousers when you play golf? In case you get a hole in one!
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If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved.
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A good book is like a good puppy. Both are easy to pick up but hard to put down.
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Why do hurricanes travel so fast? Because if they travelled slowly we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.
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Doc, I've got a problem. Every morning at 8 sharp I poop. Doc: "How is that a problem?" Me: "I wake up at 9."
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Why did the blonde stare at her orange juice for so long? Because it said, Concentrate.
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Life is like a box of chocolates... the fatter you are, the shorter it lasts!
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If money doesn't buy happiness.. then explain why you have to pay for a divorce.
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Customer: "Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!" Waiter: "Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!"
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"Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?" "The ATM machine"
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What is love? The energy of life. What is marriage? The energy bill ...
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The deeper the pit you're falling into, the more chance you have to learn how to fly.
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What is green, red and goes 90 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.
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A proctologist walks into a bar. Hostess: Would you like to take a stool or grab a seat? Doctor: Hell no, just a beer, I do that all day.
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You can tell a lot about a person by the type of car they drive. For example, if they drive a Taxi, they're probably a cab driver.
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I don't think it's rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today's newspaper.
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I told my friend to not worry about being hungry at the beach. Because of all the sand which is there.
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