Son Jokes
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What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son? If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy!
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Why did the cat join the Red Cross? Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!
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What does a British guy say when he beats an Eastern European at chess? Czechmate
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My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, "Do you think you'll be next?" We settled this quickly once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
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Why did the blonde stare at her orange juice for so long? Because it said, Concentrate.
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I win most of my staring contests... ... because my opponents usually don't know they're playing.
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Wanna hear a dirty joke? John got dirty. Wanna hear a clean joke? John took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a naughty joke? Bubbles was the girl next door.
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I was writing a paper on my grandfather... But had to stop because he was moving so much.
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Why doesn't a sociologist look out the window in the morning? Because then they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
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My ex is looking for a job but I don't think satan is retiring anytime soon so I suppose she'll be unemployed for a while.
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John regrets getting a brain transplant. I guess he changed his mind.
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What happened to your three week diet? I finished it in three days!
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People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!
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"Doctor. Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm." "How boring for you!"
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Tall people don't need to be inspirational Everyone already looks up to them.
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A man goes to the doctor, and says "I broke my arm in three places." And the doctor says, "Well then don't go to those places anymore."
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If I want to nap for just an hour, I have a big glass of water beforehand. Alarms can be turned off, but a full bladder waits for no one.
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