Science Jokes
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Before Isaac Newton discovered gravity everyone had to glue themselves down.
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A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year.
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A group of people were yelling at me in the movie theater. It got so loud I had to take my phone call outside.
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I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane. Until he hit the ground.
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I was trying to form a club for eunuchs at my high school... But there weren't enough members.
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How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby ? You can feel his presents ...
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What animal runs around happily with 5 legs? A pit bull in a kindergarten
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What do you call a farmer who is really good at his job? A man who is outstanding in his field.
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My favorite quote: "Deep down, every human being just wants to be remembered." anonymous
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Sorry to inform you that you have a brain problem. Your brain is in 2 parts... Left and right. The left part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in it.
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Couldn't remember the girl's name from last night so I brought her to Starbucks.
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How is a judge like an English teacher? They both hand out long sentences.
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Why did they make the toilet paper so hard in North Korea? Because the Party wants to make every asshole Red.
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Who ate all the cookies? 5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.
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Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? Because time will tell.
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John regrets getting a brain transplant. I guess he changed his mind.
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What did the diver say to the oyster? I want that pearl! Don't be shellfish!
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My dad is really good at playing hide n' seek! It's been 12 years since we started and I still haven't found him!
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Why did the programmer get a job at the photographers? They needed a developer.
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Doctor: "You're obese." Patient: "Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion." Doctor: "You're quite ugly, too."
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German tourist crosses Polish border. Border guards ask him: Name? Hans. Surname? Schmidt. Occupation? No, just traveling.
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What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You meet new people every day.
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I was once a man stuck in a woman's body. Then my mother gave birth.
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