Restaurant Jokes
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Nothing freaks me out like when I'm ordering from a Chinese restaurant and I ask "What kind of meat is that?" and they answer "yes".
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When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house ? When the door is open!
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Free app/game: Monster Truck Racing
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Michael Phelps just won another gold medal for taking the quickest bath.
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Boy: You've got a face like a million dollars. Girl: Have I really? Boy: Yes ? it's green and wrinkly.
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Life is about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
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What's the secret to a long life? Never order vegetarian in Texas...
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What do a blonde and a car have in common? They can both drive you crazy.
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I would tell you another chemistry joke... But all the best ones Argon.
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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
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I have a date this weekend with a girl who has a shoe fetish... But I'm a little worried about getting off on the wrong foot.
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There are 10 types of people in the world! Those that can count and those that can't.
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I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar. I guess there is life on Mars after all.
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You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times.
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Tall people don't need to be inspirational Everyone already looks up to them.
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How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
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Why did the programmer get a job at the photographers? They needed a developer.
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Why did the left shoe marry the right? Because they were "sole"-mates
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What did the diver say to the oyster? I want that pearl! Don't be shellfish!
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Couldn't remember the girl's name from last night so I brought her to Starbucks.
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What do you call a bunch of killer whales playing musical instruments? An orca-stra.
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Why do people hesitate before registering as an organ donor? It takes guts.
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What has everyone been doing at Apple since the problems with the latest iPhone started? Looking for Jobs.
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