Police Jokes
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"How did you get into counterfeiting?" Criminal: I answered an ad that said "Make money at home."
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Who is there? Police! What do you want? We want to talk. How many of you are there? Two. So talk with each other!
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Policeman: Why didn't you obey that stop sign? Driver: I don't believe everything I read.
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Cop: "Are you driving under the influence?" Me: "No." Cop: "Say the alphabet backwards." Me: "Tebahpla eht."
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Not sure if I actually like movies or just like looking at something while I eat popcorn.
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Why was the Berlin Wall torn down? It didn't match with the Iron Curtains.
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What happened to your three week diet? I finished it in three days!
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If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story.
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If two lawyers were drowning and you could only save one of them would you read the paper or go to lunch?
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So I'm reading that "twerking" and "selfie" have been added to the dictionary. "Future" and "optimism" have been removed...
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Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill? Because he was dead
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How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
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This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first.
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Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk and I swatted one how many flies would be left? Girl: One - the dead one!
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They installed a new machine at my gym today, I managed to do 2 hours on it. They do all sorts. Snickers, Kit-kats, Mars bars, etc.
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It's so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
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If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have? Someone else's pants on.
Toys
Top Games
Free app/game: Talking Donald Donkey
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Why is George Bush in bed every night by 9:10? Because nothing good happens after 9:11.
Jewelery
Top Games
Free app/game: Talking Donald Donkey
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Why are old balloons cheaper than new balloons? Because of inflation
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WARNING! If you get an e-mail with the title of "Nude Photo of Joe Biden" DO NOT OPEN IT! It IS a nude photo of Joe Biden.
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