Investment Jokes
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If a leopard and a cheetah both had companies, which stock should you buy? The leopard's, because cheetahs never prosper.
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Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? Because time will tell.
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Why did the blonde stare at her orange juice for so long? Because it said, Concentrate.
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What's the difference between talking to your wife after you forgot something and a minefield? You can actually get through the minefield alive.
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If two lawyers were drowning and you could only save one of them would you read the paper or go to lunch?
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My diet plan consists of getting a full body tattoo of some skinny dude.
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Doctor doctor people keep telling me I'm ugly! Lay on the couch face down.
Jewelery
Top Games
Free app/game: Car Race Extreme
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Ran my first 10k this morning. I'm kidding, I'm on my second Milky Way.
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"Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?" "The ATM machine"
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My grandfather got new pants the other day. I asked him how they fit... He said "Like a cheap castle." Seeing the confused look on my face, he elaborated, saying, "No ball room."
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The personal trainer at the gym advised me to try some resistance training. So far it's going really well. I've resisted going to the gym for six days now.
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I once fell in love with an English Teacher.... ...I wrote her a love letter and she corrected it.
Jewelery
Top Games
Free app/game: Car Race Extreme
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Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for the rest of his life.
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This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first.
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If old people are so wise... How come they always die before everyone else?
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Two satellites decide to get married. The wedding wasn't "all that," but the reception was great!
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My friend David lost his ID the other day. Now we just call him Dav.
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Nothing makes me worry more than the kids saying "Don't worry, we cleaned it up"
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Why did the zombie not eat your brain? Because he doesn't eat junk food.
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Why do elephants have big flat feet? A: To stomp out burning ducks.
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Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage. Don't talk rubbish!
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Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg? He's all right.
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What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger? A big mac.
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