Divers Jokes
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What do you call it when a bunch of druggies talk to each other? Joint-Discussion.
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I have a date this weekend with a girl who has a shoe fetish... But I'm a little worried about getting off on the wrong foot.
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What do you call a smarty pants? A jeanius
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Books
Top Games
Free app/game: Warp My Talking Face
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My old best friend ran off years ago to pursue his dream of becoming a mime... I haven't heard from him since.
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What sound does a bouncing plane make? Boeing boeing boeing
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A group of people were yelling at me in the movie theater. It got so loud I had to take my phone call outside.
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The ATM told me, "Not enough funds in account," when I tried to withdraw. This ATM needs a bigger account.
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What should you never do in front of an alcoholic? Whine.
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This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tyred..
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Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking "Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?"
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My friend David lost his ID the other day. Now we just call him Dav.
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I hate people that drink in order to have fun. Why can't they say it's great just to drink, whether you have fun or not?
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What do you call a swiss priest? A Holy Cheese!
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A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year.
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Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? Because time will tell.
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What did the 0 say to the 8? Hey, nice belt..
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Toys
Top Games
Free app/game: Car Race Extreme
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What's cold, hot and chilly all at once? Cold chili.
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This deodorant says: "Avoid contact with eyes." Too late... I've already seen it.
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A man walks into a bar... ...and loses the international limbo championship.
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Customer: "Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!" Waiter: "Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!"
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What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom.
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What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
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So there was a stork carrying an old man and the old man turns to it and says: "Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"
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Most of us were taught to never get in cars with strangers, so taxi cabs make absolutely no sense.
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Who sell the products cheaper, a manufacturer or a distributor? The store guard!
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Ive been eating eggs thinking they came from an egg plant. Im going to be sick, now that I know where they really come from.
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I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar. I guess there is life on Mars after all.
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Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in only one move... a roundhouse kick to the face.
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My lighter has two settings: 1: Spark, spark, spark 2: No left eyebrow
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Two baloons meet each other in a garden shop... The first one says to the other: Don't go that way, there's a cactusssssss
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The Flat Earth Community has supporters all around the globe.
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People are mad because MTV doesn't show music videos. What about Fox News? They haven't shown a fox in months.
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If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have? Someone else's pants on.
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Toys
Top Games
Free app/game: Warp My Talking Face
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Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
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Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote? They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.
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What do you want your husbands gravestone to say? Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."
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I hate lying people, they're always in my way to the ocean.
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My favorite Yoga pose is the upward facing couch potato.
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Not sure if I actually like movies or just like looking at something while I eat popcorn.
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My favorite element is Helium. I can't speak highly enough of it.
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When someone asks me if I'm busy, it always sounds like a trick question.
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Shoes
Top Games
Free app/game: Talking Cat Leo
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