City Jokes
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I asked a city dweller "Do you know where the post office is?" He said, "Yes," and kept right on walking.
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Why are old balloons cheaper than new balloons? Because of inflation
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WARNING! If you get an e-mail with the title of "Nude Photo of Joe Biden" DO NOT OPEN IT! It IS a nude photo of Joe Biden.
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What does a Bird and a fridge have in common? They can both fly except the fridge.
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How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby ? You can feel his presents ...
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When my neighbor's bed starts rhythmically hitting the wall, I like to drum back. Last night, we had a real jam session going.
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I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
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What does have eyes but can't see, has legs but can't walk, and has wings but can't fly? A dead bird.
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Tried to pick up a woman at a cremation once. Got my fingers burnt.
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How many letters are in the alphabet during the Christmas Season? Only 25...because there's Noel.
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If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story.
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Nothing freaks me out like when I'm ordering from a Chinese restaurant and I ask "What kind of meat is that?" and they answer "yes".
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I once fell in love with an English Teacher.... ...I wrote her a love letter and she corrected it.
Beauty
Top Games
Free app/game: Air Hockey
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What do you want your husbands gravestone to say? Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."
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How to eliminate world hunger and unemployment at once? Let the hungry eat the unemployed.
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Sometimes I feel like a doctor stuck studying X-rays to gauge the health impacts of excessive sausage eating. I tend to see the wurst in people.
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Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question. Pupil: How long for the answer sir?
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Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking "Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?"
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I went to the hairdresser and she asked how I'd like my hair cut. In silence.
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My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, "Do you think you'll be next?" We settled this quickly once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
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What do you call a blood vessel with a carrot jammed into it? A carroted artery.
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Couldn't remember the girl's name from last night so I brought her to Starbucks.
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Why did the creepy hipster get arrested? Because he was following people before Instagram.
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Two baloons meet each other in a garden shop... The first one says to the other: Don't go that way, there's a cactusssssss
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