Jokes of the day:
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What's better than winning the lottery? Winning it the day after your divorce comes through.
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What bus crossed the Atlantic Ocean? Columbus
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I don't think it's rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today's newspaper.
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How do you call a prison inmate? With a cell phone.
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There's a reason why "sober" and "so bored" sound almost exactly the same.
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Wanna hear a dirty joke? John got dirty. Wanna hear a clean joke? John took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a naughty joke? Bubbles was the girl next door.
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Where did I get my scarf? It's a CVS receipt. You love it? Oh thank you very much.
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What does the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?
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What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger? A big mac.
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What's the difference between a sumo and a feminist? A sumo shaves their legs.
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How do bees go to school? They take the buzz
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The Flat Earth Community has supporters all around the globe.
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Happy Valentines! A little early I know, but l suffer from premature congratulation...
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The more complex the handshake, the less complex the individual.
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I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
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My favorite Yoga pose is the upward facing couch potato.
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What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You meet new people every day.
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Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in only one move... a roundhouse kick to the face.
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I have finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left..
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Want to read a joke about pizza? Never-mind, it's too cheesy!
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Wanna hear my joke about the beach? I'm shore you'll like it.
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What kind of car does a ghost drive? A boogati!
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I was dropping my kids off at school when I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children." I'm going to miss them, but man this is a nice Rolex.
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What do you call a bicycle with no seat? A real pain in the ass.
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Policeman: Why didn't you obey that stop sign? Driver: I don't believe everything I read.
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Sorry to inform you that you have a brain problem. Your brain is in 2 parts... Left and right. The left part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in it.
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What is love? The energy of life. What is marriage? The energy bill ...
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What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple? iPatch
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Why did the bowling pins stop working? They went on strike!
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Two ladies fighting for a seat in a bus... Bus conductor: "The older one should sit here". Both looked at each other and the seat remained empty...
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Why are there so many female archeologists? Because women love digging up the past.
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Why couldn't the restaurant patron get into his car? He had Gnocchi.
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Her: Give me a chat up line? Me: Uh ok, are you a zookeeper? Her: *laughs* Because I'm so captivating? Me: No, you smell like an animal.
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Toys
Free fun games
Free app/game: Monster Truck Racing
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Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own.
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If old people are so wise... How come they always die before everyone else?
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When someone asks me if I'm busy, it always sounds like a trick question.
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Jewelery
Free fun games
Free app/game: Talking Cat Leo
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Why do elephants have big flat feet? A: To stomp out burning ducks.
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My dad has the heart of a lion - and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
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I'm only leaving the house today so my selfies will have new backgrounds.
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Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making! Dad: What is it what are you making? Pupil: Mistakes!
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If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have? Someone else's pants on.
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Fashion
Free fun games
Free app/game: Talking Donald Donkey
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You hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
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What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
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Sometimes I feel like a doctor stuck studying X-rays to gauge the health impacts of excessive sausage eating. I tend to see the wurst in people.
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Last night I walked into a bar - it still hurts...
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This deodorant says: "Avoid contact with eyes." Too late... I've already seen it.
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I am writing a book about the history of camping. It's all in past tents.
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Always remember that you're someone's reason to smile.. Because you are a joke.
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Beauty
Free fun games
Free app/game: Unblock Car
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I was writing a paper on my grandfather... But had to stop because he was moving so much.
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What's the definition of mixed emotions? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.