Jokes of the day:

Wanna hear my joke about the beach? I'm shore you'll like it.

How can you open a banana? With a monkey!

How does Dracula keep fit? He plays batminton.

What sound does a bouncing plane make? Boeing boeing boeing

They say that money can't buy you happiness, but being broke buys you nothing...

You know why they don't have CSI in Arkansas? They don't have enough teeth for dental records, and they all have the same DNA.

Did you hear about the nation's best farmer? He's out standing in his field.

Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? Because time will tell.

If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story.

I hate lying people, they're always in my way to the ocean.

You know what I hate about fashion designers? They are so clothes-minded.

What do you call a fat female assassin? A killer whale.

Boy, do I love soccer It's the only sport where the fans are tougher then the players.

Why did the bowling pins stop working? They went on strike!

What has a mouth but no teeth? A river.

I'm not going to intervene next time my kids start fighting, I'm just going to close the door and whoever comes out alive will be my kid.

My dad has the heart of a lion - and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

What's the difference between a musician and a bag of rice? The bag of rice can feed a family of four.

How do you make a dog go "meow"? Take it out of the freezer and run it through a bandsaw.

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Beauty
Free fun games
Free app/game: Fun Face Changer

I woke up suddenly terrified I'm late for work... I opened my eyes and chilled - I'm at work.

I wondered why the train was getting bigger... then it hit me

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Beauty
Free fun games
Free app/game: Warp My Talking Face

Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk and I swatted one how many flies would be left? Girl: One - the dead one!

I've found the perfect weight-loss system for Americans. Convert to the metric system and lose half your weight in just seconds.

What many don't know, "Riverdance" was invented while waiting in line at the ladies toilet.

What's cold, hot and chilly all at once? Cold chili.

This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first.

What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit? A: Will the defendant please rise.

My uncle, as an oncologist - has a great sense of tumor.

What does a Bird and a fridge have in common? They can both fly except the fridge.

Who is there? Police! What do you want? We want to talk. How many of you are there? Two. So talk with each other!

Why are Americans so good at shooting? They have the best schools for it.

What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.

What's next to England? A question mark.

How can you tell that your waitress is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, it's because no one else wanted them.

What animal runs around happily with 5 legs? A pit bull in a kindergarten

What do you call a blood vessel with a carrot jammed into it? A carroted artery.

How did the hipster burn his tongue ? cos he drank he coffee before it was cool...

I went to the hairdresser and she asked how I'd like my hair cut. In silence.

What should you do if a monster runs through your front door? Run through the back door.

Teacher: Class we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!

Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?

Do you want to hear the funniest joke in the world? Me too.

How can you tell a male dinosaur from a female dinosaur? Ask it a question. If he answers it's a male if she answers it's female.

What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.

What did one snowman say to the other snowman? I smell carrots too.

What was Dr Frankenstein's second job? He was a body-builder.

Teacher: "What is science?" Student: "Me Ma'am!" Teacher: "Ok Bob, what is science?" Student: "Science is our lesson for today."

What do you give an elephant with big feet ? Plenty of room!